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But I still haven’t found what I am looking for

“Wahan kaun hai tera musafir….jaega kahan?”- with these words the blind beggar earns my attention for a while. I hand him a 5 rupee coin and dive into my pool of memories again. I am not new to train journeys. The only difference: ten years back, train journeys meant vacations, now they mean work. This time, it was separation. Yes, I am leaving my dream city-city where I studied, I learned, I earned, I loved and I lived. People congratulated me- Oh you got admission into a B-school! Lucky you are. Deep inside, I knew something was broken. Sometimes, it’s easier to say good bye to people than to bid farewell to a city. 

A one-sided love story and a failed to take-off career- perfect combination to ignite the tail of a rocket called escapism. I did not know what hurts more- your conscience that called you an escapist or the irony that you are leaving everything behind for better and yet you are not happy. One year back….it was a completely different feeling. It was the journey I took home after graduation. Excitement, ambition, hope, happiness, and loads of apprehension- defines the journey from being a student to being a part of the work force. The sense of freedom of earning for oneself, the liberty to spend on parties, trips, friends without being questioned by parents and entering into an adult life was both thrilling and scary at the same time. While I was busy preparing a list of items I wanted to buy for my family, I had to budget and plan my spending. For the first time I realized how difficult it is to part with your hard-earned money as compared to calling back home and ask for extra money.

It is funny how I am scared to be a student again. All those thoughts of moving to a new place, joining college, meeting other students, making new friends, pressure of being liked by peers, leaving a good impression on teachers, getting good grades and ending up with a fat package is scaring me off. It’s like a complex circle and I am set to zero again. But, on second thought, this uncertainty is kind of exciting too. You don’t know what’s going to happen- who you are going to meet and what new things you are getting into.

Perhaps, this adrenaline rush of willingness to jump from the zone of uncertainty to one’s comfort zone is what keeps us moving on. If everything would have been alright, I would have eventually got bored and moved on. So its just a matter of time but the truth is- we all have to keep moving and give closure to the events in our life so that we can initiate new ones. So, here I am- standing in front of the gate of my new college. It’s intimidating because everything is new and everyone is a stranger but it’s also inviting for I can see the same strangers talking, smiling, and sharing information. Soon, I would also be a part of this crowd and this would be the beginning of my new life.

Moving on, starting over with a new life means mixed feelings- excitement, apprehension, butterflies in stomach etc. but the essence of life is to look up.  

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